With a little help from my friends

I started this blog with a simple goal;   “My goal is to educate the youth. To encourage them to believe in their full potential. To help them recognise whats positive in their lives. To offer a voice and a platform for those who are suffering in silence from homophobia, bigotry, bullying, fear or just simply lost without direction and no one to speak to. I want to help stop the mental and physical abuse against women and children” Why now? As many of you my incredible readers and contributors already know, I am the father of 3 daughters, I have been married for 35 years to the same amazing woman, I was raised by a loving mother and  now have a 5-year-old granddaughter. (all women all the time, my entire life) So you see I have always been Pro-Women, Pro-Children and Anti-Hate. Why now? Why start this site in the last year? I have always been encouraging, teaching, motivating and breaking it down on a smaller, personal level with those around me. Then as many of you already know last year i suffered a traumatic brain injury and was knocking on death’s door. But thankfully nobody was home to answer so here i was recovering for almost a year and thinking how I had not contributed enough to life and how I believed that i was not worthy of the second chance at life. While recovering and stuck in my room for months on end I started to go on-line and just read news stories and endlessly research WEB MD for answers to why me! What I found was some amazing support groups. That led me to some amazing people who had personal blogs that i read and found comfort, and insite and answers to some of my questions and fears. Holy shit Batman, you Old Ass, Dumb Ass shit for brains how come you don’t know about this Blog shit! What the fuck there chuck this is how you can help and pay it forward. This second chance shit! So I started typing simply hoping and believing that if a few people found it and read it that it would be worth doing. What I did not know was how many people would read it and how many amazing friends I would meet and how many would contribute with their comments, life experiences and teachings. People like http://ladywithatruck.wordpress.com/    http://mysterycoach.wordpress.com/     http://lindachorney.wordpress.com/ http://itsmythoughts11.wordpress.com/  http://lornasvoice.wordpress.com/  http://hollyjb.wordpress.com/ http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/  http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/  http://lifeandquestions.wordpress.com/ http://coupletastic.wordpress.com/  http://secondphase.wordpress.com/   http://aprillugod.wordpress.com/http://pdwms.wordpress.com/    http://wordsfallfrommyeyes.wordpress.com/ http://liferealities.wordpress.com/http://drinkswellwithothers.wordpress.com/  http://stoopidhousewives.wordpress.com/  http://auroramorealist.wordpress.com/http://booksphotographsandartwork/  http://wellshutmymouth.com/2011/10/12/people-are-talking-thank-goodness/        http://undertheabaya.wordpress.com/http://sparkylaurie.wordpress.com/   http://guesswhatididtoday.wordpress.com/  http://justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com/http://pdasbarbara.wordpress.com/     http://angryrantdotcom.wordpress.com/  http://whyfatherhoodrocks.wordpress.com/http://booksphotographsandartwork.wordpress.com/  http://youngamericanwisdom.com/      http://friendtoyourself.wordpress.com/http://fadynichphotos.wordpress.com/

Bottom line: I could STOP writing now and be extremely satisfied. Because if you are a young person or some one depressed, lost, lonely, in a great marriage, poor marriage or what ever! You can simply go to any of these sites and laugh or cry or rant or smile or get professional advice or join the crazy chicks club or get your ass handed to you if you mess with Linda or Greyson jack or laugh at those Stoopid Housewives. This is some crazy shit, I wrote all this crazy dribble because i was moved by some of the comments on my (Because You Are Bitch) post and i wanted to share some of them with you. So here they are. Hope you enjoy them. And if you do enjoy this site, Then please pass it along, promote it and lets see if we together can help someone out there who needs a shoulder from some friends to lean on!

Abuse, abusive relationships… It’s so easy to dish out advice unless you are living it or have lived it.
It’s never as simple as “get up and get out” if only…
Anyway Im not in the mood to say anymore… Subject is too close to home for me… Another time maybe…
But stop saying get out… Coz do u know anyone that got out coz he/she was told to… No never… They don’t … They can’t… It takes more than that… A lot more… A helluva lot more…

Submitted on 2011/10/11 at 7:44 pm | In reply to Aneesa.

AWESOME! Thank you. Please, Please, Please i only replied so seriously because i felt your pain and anger and i did not want to be responsible for causing it. I wanted you to know that i do not take the subject lightly. That it’s probably nearest to my heart and this is why the blog exist to bring awareness to it and to find people like yourself to offer opinions and life experiences and maybe some one can be helped. I really enjoy your blog it shows how creative and artistic you are. Please join me and contribute your voice to any conversation that we have here. It’s not all gloomy we have some fun also.

Submitted on 2011/10/10 at 7:05 pm | In reply to Aneesa.

Honey, he just wants to see people living happy and not abused. He’s not being judgmental, he intents to convey his frustration (I think) as to how horrible it all really is and it’s (as you know) all over, It’s so sad, it’s horrible. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger, 21 through about 23 years old and I left. I understand that it’s difficult to leave these situations, and I understand how difficult it may be to support a person who is in one.

Honey, I wish I had the magic words to get through to a person who is involved in these types of relationships to make them leave. This is what Pete is kinda saying too. (sorry Pete not trying to speak for you) This is a very sentitive topic. I like his strong stand on it because I’ve been there and it’s unacceptable. It’s not okay … Come’er honey (((( HUGS ))))

 Submitted on 2011/10/10 at 8:02 pm | In reply to breakitdownpete.

The emotional scars never go away… They stay forever like open wounds seeping blood and ooze…

It’s ripped our family apart. Even years on the accusations fly left right and centre.

I did write something on it one day as I didnt want to write about the abuse but more off the effects of how routine and mechanical it becomes.

You made some very good points in this post, one thing I appreciated was that you acknowledged leaving is easier said than done. Surprisingly society in general is not very understanding or compassionate towards the victim, especially if the victim goes back. .

I used to think I would never allow any man to abuse me; because I had never been there I didn’t understand why “women” didn’t just leave. What people don’t realize is that (as you said) the abuse starts small, it can be subtle and insidious. By the time the victim even realizes they are in danger they have lost so much of their independence and their support system that they feel helpless.

People may mistakenly believe it is dependent needy women with low self esteem that get sucked into the web of the abuser. But often it is the exact opposite, the independent woman presents a challenge and the abuser has to be very cunning and devious to ensure they control the victim.

If the victim does leave the abuser will try anything, say anything to get them back, they will apologize, admit they were wrong, promise counseling, threaten, cry, and become the sweet passive guy they were in the beginning.

I cover the signs and types of abuse in my blog in-depth, because at 43 I got involved in an abusive relationship and I, like you want to shake people, scream, make them understand that it is a very complex problem. Just leave can be dangerous advice and “tough love” or withdrawing support because the person went back can put the person’s life in jeopardy .

I had never been abused before, I was a strong independent woman and I stayed/went back for 10 yrs. The abuse got so bad I would probably be dead now if I would have stayed. By the time I left I had no support from my family and was too embarrassed to ask for help from my friends.

The abuse was subtle, there were no black eyes, but he had managed to get me fired, evicted, destroyed my business, sabotaged my vehicle, alienated me from my family so I had NO support system, (my mother and step dad gave him exactly what he wanted` me with nowhere to go), he spied on me, video taped me without my knowledge, broke my phone and.laptop and destroyed any thing of sentimental value to me. I can not explain how twisted this man was or how absolutely mentally and emotionally beaten down I was.

I had given up trying to defend my boundaries, values and feelings in an attempt to find peace because it was just too much work. I credit his sister with saving my life, she came to live with us and she was my staunch advocate, time and time again she reaffirmed I wasn’t crazy, she was my second pair of eyes that confirmed it wasn’t my imagination, she was the voice of reason when he was telling me I was insane and paranoid.
I have been out for 11 months and I am nowhere near healed, the emotional and mental scars go so deep, they haunt my dreams still. Just this week I woke up crying because I had dreamed he was laughing while I cried.
(((((((Aneesa)))))) hugs to you! I feel your pain and understand your frustration, and MC you are such a special person, so kind and wise.
BidPete thank you for speaking out about a very serious problem and sharing your experiences. My son was out of the house when I was involved with this man but he did live with me for a period of time and he tried to defend me and it put him in danger. I didn”t tell him what was happening when I went back because I was afraid he’d either kill the guy or get killed trying. It is a horrible thing for a child to endure, especially a boy. The hatred my son has for the guy is scary.



Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Parenting

53 responses to “With a little help from my friends

  1. Wow I got teary eyed reading this. Well happy you found inspiration and that u were kind enough to send that inspiration out in the world. Loves it and loves your blog.

  2. Pete – I would love to contact you outside of a comment – love your stuff and would like to network with you.

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  4. I really enjoy reading your blog and I am awarding you with the 7 x 7 blog award, which was just awarded to me by the wonderful Dee of Miss Demure Restraint.
    Please go to my blog and see how the award works and how to pay it forward. You can also take the badge/picture directly off my posting. Clink on the link below.


  5. Pingback: Are You Trapped by Egos – Types of Egoism 06 of 07 « ♡ The Tale Of My Heart ♡

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  7. Pete! You are an amazing man with incredible resources and reserves of enthusiasm for what you do. I often stumble about the net when I need information. I have a feeling that you (your blog) are going to be my new go-to guy. Thank you Cat

    • What up CAT! 1st. My granddaughter is also a (hines57) thats short for mixed baby Latin/celt so i already know you! 2nd. You are no longer NFA because this is your new address. CGC is a great site. Please join us again. We are a crazy ass family here you will fit right in.

  8. Becoming Bitter

    Pete I want to tell you something. In my life I’ve gone through some hard times myself, but more than me – my loved ones have suffered more. I’m always there for them and giving them comfort in anyway I can. Sometimes the emotional baggage is too much to bear. So I cry. I cry alone. Most of the time to anyone observing I’ll look unaffected by other people’s pain, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I cry with them, but I cry inside and then I’ll cry alone. There are times when the burden of being that one person someone depends upon is too much to bear. It becomes a burden because you wonder what if something happens to you? What will become of that person?

    I started my blog so that I could cheer people up through the funny “pages” from my life or through just my thoughts on the world. That’s nice Pete that you’re helping other people out this way. Keep it up.

    • WTGB! You are out of control! Funny, sad, indifferent, intimidating, talented, intelligent and amazing WOMAN! Kiddo-yes everybody is a kid to me, i am a grandfather! Love, Love your blog! I read it often. Did not comment before because i did not know you. But now i do and i am better for it!

      • Becoming Bitter

        WTGB! Pete… you should have liked or commented on my stuff. I kept thinking that only 5-6 liked what I wrote. It’s okay you can call me kiddo. A bitter kiddo. I never got to see either of my grandfathers. So I’ll call you Grandpa Pete. That’s your new nickname. Thanks for the compliments Grandpa Pete. You’re pretty amazing yourself.

        • You the MAN! Ha, Ha your haters are loosing their minds right about now since I just gave you man status. I actually think that I hang out with some of them over at http://angryrantdotcom.wordpress.com/ They are cool peeps and now to really piss them off i’m going to give you DOUBLE MAN status! I bet most of my readers are probably asking WTF is WTGB. Well go check out her awesome site at http://becomingbitter.wordpress.com/ and you will find out what it means for yourself. Most call me Pop’s and my wife Mama Dukes. Our granddaughter calls us Mama & Papa. I could get used to Grandpa Pete although I feel like I should have all my teeth removed.

  9. Thanks for your always witty pieces… and the plug lol 🙂

  10. Pingback: Signs Of An Abusive Relationship | Boundaries in Relationships

  11. That first day when i commented on your blog … i was so emotional and just ready to put my fists up and let it all out yet at the same time I was hurting and just wanted to say what was deep in my heart… it was a mixture of emotions of good and bad… but you calmed me down and said so many things that not only brought tears to my eyes and made me realise a few things.

    We are not alone in suffering…. but we wont know till we talk about it and share it.

    There are people out there that have been through worse.

    Even today I am here to tell a story… my story… our story… there are some who didn’t survive and will never be able to tell their side and share their pain and suffering.

    And last of all.. we need to keep talking about it… and if we can even help one person through our blogs and our comments then we have achieved something…

    • I could not have said it any better! Yes i felt your anger and pain come straight out of the page, which is why i answered so quickly and deeply. And here is the story and why i want to have this site. Because not every one can say what’s hurting them face 2 face with loved ones and family for so many reasons. Fear of embarrassment, rejection, etc. but in this type of forum you can take a breath, and sensor your thoughts before hitting the reply or send button. There is no fear of embarrassement as you are doing it in private, anonymously. You can speak with out interruption and write as much or as little as you want. So please do! Thank you.

  12. mysterycoach

    Pete, I would like you to come over to my blog when you have some time and offer me some constructive advise as to my daughter’s boyfriend. I’d appreciate your input as soon as you’re able to. Thank you.

  13. Nah ah, boo boo. You didn’t just slap my fins like that. Did you? You sir, are a fan of the NY Football Giants. Winners of 3 Super Bowl titles.Play like you’ve been there man.
    Alright, did that seem convincing enough? I love the back and forth with you. Keep up your good work.

    • Like they owe me money, like a rented mule, like their 1 and 7, like miami vise the movie sucked, like this is too easy. Damnnnnnnnn can you tell i’m a little insecure since we never had a perfect season. Ahhhhh but neither did new england. heheheheheheheheeeee

  14. Androgoth

    An excellent posting Pete
    keep up the very good work 🙂


  15. Pete I have been moved in many ways by what you write. I like visiting here and seeing what you have to say. I have found some courage just in your words and the way you put them, and maybe I shall not so much hide my experiences that may help another soul. You are inspiring.
    I have nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award. 🙂

    • finally accepting that you are different (whether it’s mental illness, appearance, sexual preference, or any other gazillion things ) and that its ok……is priceless.
      My dear your site is FULL of courage! and how much more inspiring then the above statement can you be! Please do share. Thank you Kiddo.

  16. And oh by the way…..
    Those Giants might have something going there, huh?

  17. You sir, are a magnificent bastard.
    That’s all about respect and admiration, I hope you know.

  18. I’m sorry to hear that you felt like you “had not contributed enough to life and how [you] believed that [you were] not worthy of the second chance at life.” You have been married 35 years, and have 3 daughters. Asked. Answered.

    I applaud this cause, Pete. Sometimes my stories include abuse, as well as the effects of abuse including suicide. I hope when I write these things, that the seriousness is not lost in the fiction, and I hope that through exposure, awareness is raised and there will be less tolerance for any kind of abusive behavior.

    • Number one. Well said, point taken. Can’t explain what happens to your soul and being and how you change when you die and are brought back by the grace of god and the skill of a neuro surgeon.
      Number two. (I hope that through exposure, awareness is raised and there will be less tolerance for any kind of abusive behavior.) Point, set, game, match!

  19. Thanks Pete, truly honored. 😉

  20. Pete! You are awesome and spot-on with this blog. Thanks so much for the mention. I am truly honored. Keep up you’re inspiring message!

  21. excellent reading, I believe in when there is a will there is always a way. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  22. Hello Pete! Thanks for the mention. I am humbled by your choice of me in the amazing group of people you mentioned. What you write is down to earth interesting and amazingly encouraging. Keep breaking it down my man.

  23. i really enjoy hearing about you as a father. good post though beyond that too. keep on mr. courage.

  24. Pete, I would love it if there was a way to get you out to even more people — and not just young folks. There are some old ass folks who could benefit from your words as well!! Thanks for the shout-out — and thanks for doing what you do!!!

  25. Go Pete!! I knowz you all badazz, gangsta! Your Giants won!!! So glad… you know da Steelers are my team, but the Giants played an unbelievable game!! Go Giants!!!

    • Go Giants! I am really embarrassed now. I have managed to take a beautiful, sophisticated,and eloguent person and brought them to the dark side. NOT! Ha, Ha you are out of control I love it! And I can not even front – the Steelers are bad asses. But our Giants are the real deal. Another fourth quarter come back and against the Pats at that. Wooo child life is GOOD! You the Man,shhhhhhhhhh i wont tell anybody you said GO GIANTS. shhhhhhhhhh nobody will ever know.

  26. Moved to tears, my Man. You keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. This world has got to become a better place. People like you are in it!

    • Thank you my dear. And now we are even, because you have made me tear up also. I know you already have a devoted following, but everybody at W.P. needs to check out your pages. THEY WILL MOVE YOU LIKE AN EARTH QUAKE.(P.S. i secretly hope that some of my words give you a little joy and comfort)

  27. Thanks for the shout out, Pete! Love your uninhibited voice and look forward to hearing more!

    Love & Squirrels.

    Sam, aka:

  28. This was an enormous, strong, honouring, worthwhile and inspiring post Pete. A wonderful read. How wonderful you’re alive today! 🙂

  29. Father Pete what’s up? I see you’re at it again. I’m a subscriber because you keep it real. No sugar coating bullshit.Love your posts pops.

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