With a little help from my friends

I started this blog with a simple goal;   “My goal is to educate the youth. To encourage them to believe in their full potential. To help them recognise whats positive in their lives. To offer a voice and a platform for those who are suffering in silence from homophobia, bigotry, bullying, fear or just simply lost without direction and no one to speak to. I want to help stop the mental and physical abuse against women and children” Why now? As many of you my incredible readers and contributors already know, I am the father of 3 daughters, I have been married for 35 years to the same amazing woman, I was raised by a loving mother and  now have a 5-year-old granddaughter. (all women all the time, my entire life) So you see I have always been Pro-Women, Pro-Children and Anti-Hate. Why now? Why start this site in the last year? I have always been encouraging, teaching, motivating and breaking it down on a smaller, personal level with those around me. Then as many of you already know last year i suffered a traumatic brain injury and was knocking on death’s door. But thankfully nobody was home to answer so here i was recovering for almost a year and thinking how I had not contributed enough to life and how I believed that i was not worthy of the second chance at life. While recovering and stuck in my room for months on end I started to go on-line and just read news stories and endlessly research WEB MD for answers to why me! What I found was some amazing support groups. That led me to some amazing people who had personal blogs that i read and found comfort, and insite and answers to some of my questions and fears. Holy shit Batman, you Old Ass, Dumb Ass shit for brains how come you don’t know about this Blog shit! What the fuck there chuck this is how you can help and pay it forward. This second chance shit! So I started typing simply hoping and believing that if a few people found it and read it that it would be worth doing. What I did not know was how many people would read it and how many amazing friends I would meet and how many would contribute with their comments, life experiences and teachings. People like http://ladywithatruck.wordpress.com/    http://mysterycoach.wordpress.com/     http://lindachorney.wordpress.com/ http://itsmythoughts11.wordpress.com/  http://lornasvoice.wordpress.com/  http://hollyjb.wordpress.com/ http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/  http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/  http://lifeandquestions.wordpress.com/ http://coupletastic.wordpress.com/  http://secondphase.wordpress.com/   http://aprillugod.wordpress.com/http://pdwms.wordpress.com/    http://wordsfallfrommyeyes.wordpress.com/ http://liferealities.wordpress.com/http://drinkswellwithothers.wordpress.com/  http://stoopidhousewives.wordpress.com/  http://auroramorealist.wordpress.com/http://booksphotographsandartwork/  http://wellshutmymouth.com/2011/10/12/people-are-talking-thank-goodness/        http://undertheabaya.wordpress.com/http://sparkylaurie.wordpress.com/   http://guesswhatididtoday.wordpress.com/  http://justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com/http://pdasbarbara.wordpress.com/     http://angryrantdotcom.wordpress.com/  http://whyfatherhoodrocks.wordpress.com/http://booksphotographsandartwork.wordpress.com/  http://youngamericanwisdom.com/      http://friendtoyourself.wordpress.com/http://fadynichphotos.wordpress.com/

Bottom line: I could STOP writing now and be extremely satisfied. Because if you are a young person or some one depressed, lost, lonely, in a great marriage, poor marriage or what ever! You can simply go to any of these sites and laugh or cry or rant or smile or get professional advice or join the crazy chicks club or get your ass handed to you if you mess with Linda or Greyson jack or laugh at those Stoopid Housewives. This is some crazy shit, I wrote all this crazy dribble because i was moved by some of the comments on my (Because You Are Bitch) post and i wanted to share some of them with you. So here they are. Hope you enjoy them. And if you do enjoy this site, Then please pass it along, promote it and lets see if we together can help someone out there who needs a shoulder from some friends to lean on!

Submitted on 2011/10/10 at 4:49 pm

Abuse, abusive relationships… It’s so easy to dish out advice unless you are living it or have lived it.
It’s never as simple as “get up and get out” if only…
Anyway Im not in the mood to say anymore… Subject is too close to home for me… Another time maybe…
But stop saying get out… Coz do u know anyone that got out coz he/she was told to… No never… They don’t … They can’t… It takes more than that… A lot more… A helluva lot more…

Submitted on 2011/10/11 at 7:44 pm | In reply to Aneesa.

AWESOME! Thank you. Please, Please, Please i only replied so seriously because i felt your pain and anger and i did not want to be responsible for causing it. I wanted you to know that i do not take the subject lightly. That it’s probably nearest to my heart and this is why the blog exist to bring awareness to it and to find people like yourself to offer opinions and life experiences and maybe some one can be helped. I really enjoy your blog it shows how creative and artistic you are. Please join me and contribute your voice to any conversation that we have here. It’s not all gloomy we have some fun also.

Submitted on 2011/10/10 at 7:05 pm | In reply to Aneesa.

Honey, he just wants to see people living happy and not abused. He’s not being judgmental, he intents to convey his frustration (I think) as to how horrible it all really is and it’s (as you know) all over, It’s so sad, it’s horrible. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger, 21 through about 23 years old and I left. I understand that it’s difficult to leave these situations, and I understand how difficult it may be to support a person who is in one.

Honey, I wish I had the magic words to get through to a person who is involved in these types of relationships to make them leave. This is what Pete is kinda saying too. (sorry Pete not trying to speak for you) This is a very sentitive topic. I like his strong stand on it because I’ve been there and it’s unacceptable. It’s not okay … Come’er honey (((( HUGS ))))

 Submitted on 2011/10/10 at 8:02 pm | In reply to breakitdownpete.

The emotional scars never go away… They stay forever like open wounds seeping blood and ooze…

It’s ripped our family apart. Even years on the accusations fly left right and centre.

I did write something on it one day as I didnt want to write about the abuse but more off the effects of how routine and mechanical it becomes.

Submitted on 2011/11/04 at 11:06 pm

You made some very good points in this post, one thing I appreciated was that you acknowledged leaving is easier said than done. Surprisingly society in general is not very understanding or compassionate towards the victim, especially if the victim goes back. .

I used to think I would never allow any man to abuse me; because I had never been there I didn’t understand why “women” didn’t just leave. What people don’t realize is that (as you said) the abuse starts small, it can be subtle and insidious. By the time the victim even realizes they are in danger they have lost so much of their independence and their support system that they feel helpless.

People may mistakenly believe it is dependent needy women with low self esteem that get sucked into the web of the abuser. But often it is the exact opposite, the independent woman presents a challenge and the abuser has to be very cunning and devious to ensure they control the victim.

If the victim does leave the abuser will try anything, say anything to get them back, they will apologize, admit they were wrong, promise counseling, threaten, cry, and become the sweet passive guy they were in the beginning.

I cover the signs and types of abuse in my blog in-depth, because at 43 I got involved in an abusive relationship and I, like you want to shake people, scream, make them understand that it is a very complex problem. Just leave can be dangerous advice and “tough love” or withdrawing support because the person went back can put the person’s life in jeopardy .

I had never been abused before, I was a strong independent woman and I stayed/went back for 10 yrs. The abuse got so bad I would probably be dead now if I would have stayed. By the time I left I had no support from my family and was too embarrassed to ask for help from my friends.

The abuse was subtle, there were no black eyes, but he had managed to get me fired, evicted, destroyed my business, sabotaged my vehicle, alienated me from my family so I had NO support system, (my mother and step dad gave him exactly what he wanted` me with nowhere to go), he spied on me, video taped me without my knowledge, broke my phone and.laptop and destroyed any thing of sentimental value to me. I can not explain how twisted this man was or how absolutely mentally and emotionally beaten down I was.

I had given up trying to defend my boundaries, values and feelings in an attempt to find peace because it was just too much work. I credit his sister with saving my life, she came to live with us and she was my staunch advocate, time and time again she reaffirmed I wasn’t crazy, she was my second pair of eyes that confirmed it wasn’t my imagination, she was the voice of reason when he was telling me I was insane and paranoid.
I have been out for 11 months and I am nowhere near healed, the emotional and mental scars go so deep, they haunt my dreams still. Just this week I woke up crying because I had dreamed he was laughing while I cried.
(((((((Aneesa)))))) hugs to you! I feel your pain and understand your frustration, and MC you are such a special person, so kind and wise.
BidPete thank you for speaking out about a very serious problem and sharing your experiences. My son was out of the house when I was involved with this man but he did live with me for a period of time and he tried to defend me and it put him in danger. I didn”t tell him what was happening when I went back because I was afraid he’d either kill the guy or get killed trying. It is a horrible thing for a child to endure, especially a boy. The hatred my son has for the guy is scary.