Category Archives: Marriage

Let’s smile 4 a minute


I have seen some very interesting quotes while on the web and thought to myself that I should share some of the ones that have made me smile even if just for a quick minute. Some of them are touching some are funny and some just make you search your soul. ENJOY! or don’t. But if you don’t. Work on yourself and try to find some inner peace.

Fellas this is man 101. I have said some of these in earlier post. This is what a woman wants, true love not games.

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I hope and pray that this is my wifey and I. We are almost 40 and counting. And yes it is so true, you can not give up on love and marriage. It’s hard work and when some times it seems like it is broken, that’s when you have to work extra hard to fix it and not throw it away.

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LADIES HOLLA. This is what I am talking about. Get in there and handle your business. Get yours!

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Enough said…

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Oh shit Fellas you better understand this! Women are looking for real men to act like real men. Hard working, strong, proud, responsible men. Good boy friends, good husbands, good fathers. Not wannabes, abusers, cheats, lazy ass players.

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Next is just a collection of silly pic’s

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Parenting, Sexy

Is this the answer?


Please tell me this is NOT our new reality.

Please tell me this is NOT our new reality.

My heart has been forever wounded by the senseless killings at Newtown CT how is this kind of evil even possible? Where did this life go wrong for that 20-year-old murderer. I will NEVER speak his name. And let’s make one thing crystal clear he is not a troubled child, nor is he mentally challenged, what he is. Is a MURDERER an evil sadistic cold-blooded MURDERER of the innocent. And a 100% COWARD! A pure punk ass fucking COWARD. If he is not then he goes out fighting, guns a blazing. but instead like everybody who commits suicide he is a COWARD who can not fight to make his life better instead takes the easy way out like a pure bitch! This is my heart talking out of pure PAIN and GRIEF out of my natural instinct to attack, to fight, to want to protect the defenseless. Now I have to step back and compose myself and speak without emotion. To be rational, to be positive or his evil will have won. He will have done what he wanted. To be remembered, to be somebody, to have made an impact on our lives. He will NOT! I will not care to ever think about him again. I will not ever give a shit about his life. He does not exist. Fuck him! Let’s speak of the innocent children and the amazing teachers and workers who give of themselves so that they can mold and educate our young. Lets get a national discourse on keeping families whole, on loving our children and not abusing them, on keeping our marriages strong and intact, on giving opportunities and educating our youth to be better to believe in themselves, to want to have the great life that they all can have. Fuck what is so hard about being a good man, a decent man. A good woman, a good mother. What is so hard about taking on the responsibility of caring, nurturing our children, loving our wives, our husbands. Damn it somebody talk to me! Lets get our heads out of our asses. Some one smarter than me needs to help me understand how this life went so wrong. Was a broken household a contributing factor? Was an un-attentive mother or father a factor? Was a lack of discipline or too much discipline a factor? Was there no positive example in his life a factor? Was their abuse in this household. Did anybody ever hug this kid? Or is this kid just pure EVIL?  O-yea one last thing. Wait for it, any day now it will come out that he had some sort of A.D.D. or some sort of shit like that and nobody helped him so we need to feel sorry for him and try to understand. If this is so then we should hold his father responsible for not handling him before he MURDERED 26 beautiful lives. And destroyed countless families.

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Parenting

Appropriate yet inappropriate photos 2.0


Back by popular demand! Requested by the masses! The incredible block busting post “Appropriate yet inappropriate photos” is back! new and improved and better then ever! Ha, Ha I’m just stupid and childish and now and then I like to escape the serious world and just have a laugh. Version 2.0 has the same ground rules, read on and give us the FUNNY….. Go see the original post here for some inspiration https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/appropriate-yet-inappropriate-photos/

Appropriate for my site yes! For my usual readership, hell Yes! For other stick up the ass, bouche, condescending sites whose readers have the attention span of a gerbil, the sense of humor of a comma patient – Maybe not so much! I have decided that this week I am going to just let my hair down and have some fun with some sexy photo campaigns from ad agencies from around the world. Like they say Sex sells. These are ads that push the inappropriate line of sex innuendos to sell a product or idea. I am going to give you some of my own twisted, seriously inappropriate captions and you see if you can add an even better caption then mine in your comments! Come on now, my usual suspects. Dont let me down I know how funny and dirty you guys can get! come get some! Dont make me call you out by name! Stoopidhousewifes, Lafemmeroar, Lizziecracked, Lorna, J.a.m, Guapo, Ohmar, Cayman, Linda, Lorrelee…………..I will copy some of your captions into my post next to my captions so they show up on the post and we can compare, funny for funny and dirty for dirty.

BIDPETE: Not tonight honey I have a headache (this is an ad for a jeans company)

EL Guapo: Honey,does all the heroin I shot make my ass look fat?

BIDPETE: This is why women don’t like to walk their dogs (like you ladies say all men are dogs)

EL Guapo: Not all undergarments can hide unsightly growths.

BIDPETE: Girl friend I wish I could find a good man like you have? Hold on I will shit you another one!

The original caption is a great one (becoming a donor is probably your only chance to get inside her)

EL Guapo: I always dress like this when I know BIDPete is watching!

BIDPETE: Dental work will be required.

EL Guapo: WOW! I never get anything this meaty at home!

BIDPETE: Viagra’s version of dick in a box. (this is an ad for Viagra)

BIDPETE: New and improved suck popsicles from pfizer pharmaceuticals

BIDPETE: Damn! now you tell me how easy it was not to get busted. (this is an ad for post it notes)

EL Guapo: Bill finally found a way to save himeslf from the “morning-after-embarassment” of one night stands.

 

BIDPETE: I got one word for you honey WAX. (this is an ad for a female tightening cream)

EL Guapo: (No. No way in hell I’m writing what I just thought of.)

BIDPETE: O.M.G. I’m scared of this woman! (look close there should be 5 pillars) Damn!! she will need a 5 gallon pail of the tightening cream from the above photo…(this is an ad for a female lubricant) I can’t help it this is some seriously funny shit.

EL Guapo: We warm our seats the old fashioned way.

BIDPETE: Dude how was your date last night? It was great! You wanna smell my pillar!

BIDPETE:  Is it time to play hide and seek again

Please, Please, Please no hate emails! If you are new to my site, read https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2011/06/04/because-you-are-a-bitch/ https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2010/12/05/what-you-think-your-a-man/ https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/i-dont-love-my-wife-2/ https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/father-is-what-i-am-2/ ABOUT ME and MY GOAL before you tell me about how this is degrading to women. And you will see that I am PRO WOMEN. I know all of these show women in not the best light. I did not take the pictures I am just having some fun and a few laughs with them. So here is one about men.

This is an ad for a gay bar.

EL Guapo: The Catholic Seminary Soccer Team wants YOU!

Cayman: If not for the uni’s in that team photo, I’d have sworn it was the Red Sox.

BIDPETE: Penn state alumni meeting
BIDPETE: Pennsylvania Breaking news! Six men shot in the face.

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Sexy, Uncategorized

I Eat Bullets And Shit Thunder!


August 5th 2010… 11:15ish PM, the aneurysm starts to bleed. I am watching late night with David Letterman as I usually do. A few hours earlier I spoke to my wife who is in atlantic city with her sister who has a couple of comp days she is using for a girls night out with her older sister (my wife). My youngest daughter has made it an early night for herself and is laying down in her room. I start to feel uncomfortable, don’t really know what it is but I feel unstable and wobbly. I shake my head a few times. You know trying to get the cob webs out but I only accomplish getting myself nauseous. I lay down on my bed for a moment to try to stop the room from spinning when the pain hits. Now I start to think that there might be something seriously wrong. I get up and go to the bathroom so I can splash some water on my face and rinse out my mouth with cold water to see if that helps with the nausea. It does not and now I feel my head and face start to freeze up or so I think. Also my face and head feel swollen. I look in the mirror but everything looks normal but I start to panic a little I go back into my bedroom and decide that I am going to take a few advils and lay down but first I am going to get dressed before I lay down just in case I don’t feel better I can get up and just go to the hospital. I get dressed but before I take the advils my head explodes with PAIN the most intense pain I have ever felt. I start to think that I am now getting a migraine. Shit my wife suffers from migraines so intense that she is bed written for days at a time and I do not now want migraines to be a part of my life. My head now is pounding with pain. Pain like I have never ever experienced! And I have had some serious injuries in my life from loosing a finger to broken bones from my teen years in the gang fights to almost loosing a leg in a burn accident. So I know pain and well hello their new pain, unbelievable pain, pain in the back of my eye-ball like a hot ice pick is trying to go thru my eye-ball. I still don’t get that the CLOCK on my LIFE has started, because you know I EAT BULLETS AND SHIT THUNDER I’m a bad ass dude a stupid headache is not going to take me down. Before I lay down my daughter see’s that I have gotten dressed and asked me why I tell her that I don’t feel well and I am going to lay down. She is not going to have any of that she tells me she is going to take me to the hospital. I put up the tough father routine and tell her NO I just have a headache and I am going to sleep it off. And now the moment between LIFE & DEATH has arrived and my daughter chooses LIFE, she gets in my face and says NO! Dude I am taking you to the emergency room or I am calling the ambulance. Your choice you can go with me or I can embarrass you with an ambulance pick up. Lets go get in the car! She later tells me that she knew it was serious because she had never heard me complain about pain or not feeling well. There goes that EATING BULLETS SHIT. I am always quoting Eddie Murphy when he is in prison and trying to look tougher than he really is when a group of prisoners step up to him he tells them that he feels no pain because he is a karate man he bruises on the inside ( I can’t remember the movie name right now) always putting up a front.  We get to the Hackensack emergency room and the receptionist instantly see’s that there is something wrong she asked me if I was going to pass out and again I say no I just have a headache. She does not want to hear it and calls the doctor on duty to look at me. He tells me he is sending me to get a MRI. I am in the MRI when a doctor who is covering a shift for another doctor comes in and orders a DYE MRI. When I get out of the MRI this doctor tells me he needs to speak with my wife, I say WHY I JUST HAVE A HEADACHE. Again some one who is not having my bullshit! he gets in my face and tells me SIR GIVE ME YOUR WIFES NUMBER!! YOU ARE IN TRAUMA!! I need to get inside your head and stop the bleeding or you will DIE! In minutes I am inside a trauma ambulance with 3 specially trained paramedics who now have me hooked up to a multitude of equipment to keep me from having a stroke or heart failure. I did not know it then but this doctor is one of the foremost Neuro surgeons in the country and he is taking me to THE VALLY HOSPITAL where his trauma team is already waiting for me. Just before they roll me into the E.R. my daughter stops me and she is not crying yet, she looks  deep into my eyes and says dude you are going to be ok! you are a MARINE and the TOUGHEST man I know you are my FATHER.  You come back to us don’t you fucking leave us! This is the first time I feel fear and start to tear up. I give her a kiss and tell her I will see her in a little while. I know this because I EAT BULLETS AND SHIT THUNDER! It took me a year to recover from the surgery that cracked my head open. And today my second year anniversary I am still trying to recover from the depression and anxiety that rule my life now. Which is why I am telling my story to move on. To thank God, My family, my friends for putting up with my shit. To thank Doctor Walzman who spent many hours inside my head to save my life. The picture above that I keep in my office shows some of my mementos from this time in my life. That is one of the many stents that kept me alive to experience this miracle. For very few survive let alone have a full recovery.  So many things had to happen the way they did for me to survive.  My DAUGHTER saved my life!  If I go to bed I DO NOT WAKE UP!    CHERISH EACH DAY! BE HAPPY! LIVE, LOVE AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

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Horrific Abuse


WARNING! THIS VIDEO IS DISTURBING, HEART BREAKING, SAD, GRAPHIC.                                                              I am almost speechless, I have a few questions? How does this happen? Why is this not breaking news? Why is there not a national outrage about this video, Why aren’t the parents under arrest? Just simply W.T.F. is going on in life that this is the outcome. There is so much conversation within this video. Please look past the color of the children, this is going on in every group of people. The question is how do we stop it! How do we educate against this. My God this is a child! doing this to babies! What kind of abuse must he be getting at home? This has to be a learned action. I can’t believe he is just pure evil. It must be a product of his environment? I have to stop now, I will update more when I control my anger.   UPDATE: THE VIDEO IS BACK UP AND ACTION IS BEING TAKEN!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!  Why am I so crazy over this? It’s because these are the types of kids i want to touch with my words. Just imagine if this kid grows up to be a 6ft.5 / 280lb. man. what type of pain he will infict on his wife and kids if he does not get help now while he is still young.

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AM I A BULLY?


Well speak up! Am I a bully? No hell NO, what I am is the SENSEI OF COMMON SENSE(tm) THE MAYOR OF REAL VILLE. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck you can put lipstick and a tutu on it and call it a swan if you want but the truth is that it’s a duck. What made me ask if I am a bully is a few comments and emails that made me think that I might be coming off a kind of bully. And that upsets me because that is the last impression that I want to put out. So I am going to step back and let you answer the question. Here is just one of the comments and my reply that made me ask the question. It is from my https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/auto-salesman-exposed/ post.

So am I a bully or just a super genius,  Am I a bully or the most interesting man in the world, (stay thirsty my friends)  Am I a bully or just hot like Magic Mike, Am I a bully or just delusional!

anonymous Comment

dude you guys act like auto salespeople are making a million dollars a year….we are just trying to make a living to feed our families…… We work long hours 12 hours a day 3 days a week 10 hrs a day the other days, never 2 days in a row off and people talk to us like trash….we have a lot of people waste our time……so we do deserve to make a little money because in essence we are working 1 full time job and 1 part time job…..whatever you do for a living you have to make profit to stay in business and feed your family……WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?  And if we don’t make a profit the dealership will shut down like dealers that were in business for over 100 hundred years that closed down…now those local customers can drive all the way accross town to service their cars, because they wanted to beat their local dealer up for a few hundred dollars, I think they shot themselves in the foot……ALL BUSINESSES HAVE TO MAKE A PROFIT…..SO IF ANY BUSINESS MAKES A PROFIT THAT MUST BE A CRIME…….SINCE YOU ARE SO INCONSIDERATE AND HAVE A MOUTH THAT SOMEONE TOOK A CRAP IN, DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH AND MAYBE I SHOULD TRY TO BUST EVERYONE I EVER TALK TO FOR A BETTER DEAL……OR DO I ALLOW A MAN TO MAKE A FAIR PROFIT……

BIDPETE Reply

Hell Yea! This is what I am talking about people. GREAT comment! You make some really great points and intelligently articulated them until your meds wore off and then you got all personal and shit with the mother thing. But I got nothing but love for you. I really hope you do not stay Anonymous because I would love it if you became a regular contributor. If you read more of my post and the comments on them from my regular readers you will see that I am on your side it is for hard-working family people like yourself that I write for. (I say people because I don’t even know if you are a man or woman) When you read my site in totality including my about page you will see that I have a serious message that I wrap around with some colorful language just to keep the site fresh and entertaining. Read my WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE A MAN or FATHER IS WHAT I AM or ANOTHER BITCH ASS MAN or BAGGY PANTS SERIOUSLY STILL. Now to answer your question I am a fleet manager, I am a class A certified diesel mechanic with 40 years working experience so yes I can speak on this subject because I have also worked the 60 hrs. A week you talk about most of it during the grave yard shift! I am also a republican, so yes I believe in business making a profit. And dealerships are closing for many reasons like POOR customer service, Mismanagement, poor inventory strategies, manufacture recalls and so on. Not just because I was well prepared and made the best well-informed and educated deal on my last car. And did not fall for the $250.00 stain protection treatment that was just a can of spray that I could buy myself for $30.00 dollars or the $800.00 security alarm that you just had the local alarm installer do for you for $150.00. Please return and join in on making a difference. Or stay Anonymous whining and bitter. Your choice? Peace!

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Filed under Current events, Financial opinons, Life, Marriage, Parenting

COUSIN SEX CREEPY!


Give me a minute. I think I just threw up in my mouth! I will definitely need therapy after this video. Like a jury trial only needs a small seed of doubt to be implanted so they can come back with a not guilty verdict. Case in point O.J. SIMPSON. This video has irrevocably harmed my life. Believe it or don’t believe it if you see it you also will throw up in your mouth! Ok a bit dramatic I know, I know. So let me pull up my cartoon inspired huggies and get to the point. Some dope ass scientist has figured out that we are all at least a 50th cousin! So that sweet ass you been tappin – yea you got it, it’s your COUSIN!!! Holy shit batman. No wonder everybody keeps telling my wife and I that we look soooo much alike. Some think we are related before they find out we are married. No wonder we finish each others sentences. Were COUSINS!!! We will never have sex again! Wait I must have fallen and hit my head. I meant we will never have sex with the lights on again!! Ok I’m back, I hade to go and change my huggies again from laughing till I pead myself. I’m just being silly having some fun. But this video is Creepy. So check it out and tell me what you think. Disclaimer: It will mess with your head. So think about it before clicking play!

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FATHER is what I AM.


In honor of FATHERS day I want to repost the letter I wrote to my first-born daughter way back in the 70″s. Some thing magical happened when I first held her in my arms. I can not explain it. I don’t know what happened but that 18-year-old boy from the south Bronx was changed for ever. I was shaking and emotional. She was the most AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL thing I had ever seen. I can still smell her. I can’t explain how great that baby smell is if you have never had a child but trust me it is wonderous! And you will NEVER forget it. I remember staring at her for hours and then I felt myself tingling and knowing that I was changing some how I can’t explain it, I just knew something was happening. I held her close to me so I could whisper in her ear and that’s when I told her. “I DEDICATE MY LIFE TO YOU.” And so began my journey to becoming a FATHER. And over the next couple of years I came to understand what being a father was and i put a pen to paper and this is the letter I wrote.

Father… What is a father? For me it is who I am, what I am, what I want to be, what I need to be. It is the responsibility I live for. I will not apologize for being a father, for being the adult when the situation calls for it. I will make the decision I belive is the right one as your father, not as your friend. I will love you unconditionally. I will protect you till my last breath. I will respect you and demand you respect me. I will financially support you. I will emotionally encourage you to dream to believe in the greatness that is inside you. I will push you to be the best you can be, what you want to be , not who I want or think you should be. I will accept your individuality, your life style choices, I will never judge you. I will just love and support you. I will educate you-not because I am more intelligent than you, but because I am more experienced than you, because I have already made the mistakes and learned from them and I want to share them with you to help you avoid repeating them. This I swear to you! This I promise! I dedicated my life to you the day you were born. You will always be my first and only priority. I will never raise my hand to you. I will never abandon you. Because I AM A FATHER.

If you are a young man thinking about becoming a FATHER or already are a FATHER I encourage you to read my letter a few times and see if any of it can help you in your journey into FATHERHOOD. I do not claim it to be anything other than how I feel so please don’t take it as me preaching or saying that this is definitive. I just know that this is how I have lived my life. I have accomplished much in my life. From becoming a u.s.marine, to staying married for almost 40 years, to my many career accomplishments but nothing even comes close to being a good FATHER!

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Yes Multi-millionaire! Please…


I read a few articles a couple of weeks ago and was pissed off by the hard sell and grandiose attitude. It upsets me when we are fed these glorious how to become millionaire how to’s. “Learn how to generate multimillion-dollar wealth — and enjoy the journey on your way to the top”. “First, understand that you no longer want to be just a millionaire. You want to become a multimillionaire”. Hears my answer EAT ME!  They never give you word for word or step by step directions. Just hyperbole and round about that lead you to a product or service or agenda that they are really trying to sell. And that’s what is truly upsetting to me is that we fall for the fast track, the get rich quick scam the take a magic pill and lose weight or wear the magic electric belt and loose belly fat story. STOP IT!!! Holy shit whats it going to take for us to understand the facts: To lose weight you have to burn off more calories than you take in. PERIOD! Basically eat better and smarter and move more. You know, don’t pound down 5 cheese burgers and take a nap instead eat one cheese burger and take a walk. Now I know it is not that simple, some people have medical issue, mental issues etc. Save your complaints I get it! You are the one who doesn’t get the point of this post. It’s not about fat people or poor people or stupid people it’s about stepping back and thinking, applying some thought and common sense processes. Ok back to the post. For financial health spend less money then you make. Basic math people. The greatest word in math is MULTIPLY!  If you make  $1,000 a month but spend $1,500  MULTIPLY that by 12 months and you’re in deep shit. Now multiply that by the credit you use to make up that $500.00 you over spent and the criminal interest rates you paid to use that credit by 12 months and now you are in really deep stinky diarrhea shit. On the other hand spend less than you make and save or invest that extra cash, MULTIPLY it by 12 months and now your shit don’t stink now you have some peace of mind, now you are not depressed about money and not arguing with your partner about money and you have a little security, now maybe your credit score is better and you can take advantage of opportunities that might arise to increase your net worth. NET that’s another great word. GROSS doesn’t mean shit if your NET sucks. If you’re gross is a million dollars but your liabilities are 1.5 million then your net worth is negative 1/2 a million and your financial life sucks. Wait, Wait for it, here come the wall street crowd, Pete you are wrong you forgot about leverage in this scenario. And too you I also say EAT ME! You don’t get the point of this post. I have no finance back ground, I am not offering your bullshit advice to my readers so save it. My savvy readers get this post, come back and read their comments. I simply say THINK, RESEARCH, TRUST YOUR GUT, USE COMMON SENCE. Dont allow yourself to become the food in the food chain!

UPDATE:  In one of those articles they had  rules for becoming a multimillionaire and I have to admit that some of them if you use them in everyday life could be beneficial. So I will copy and past their rules and add/adjust to make them work for me. You are welcome to see if they fit in your life.

And one more thing, when you become a Multimillionaire. Help a brother out! Send me a few bucks.

No. 1: Decide to be a multimillionaire
BIDPETE:
How about I first decide I want to be a better person, better father, better husband, better man. Yea I think I will start there and I bet you I will start making better choices, better decisions.

No. 2: Get rid of poverty thinking
BIDPETE: WTF? im just going to ignore this one. I want to remember the hard times, the mistakes so I can enjoy my accomplishments. P.S. I get it I just don’t ever want to lose myself.

No. 3: Treat it like a duty                                                                                                                                                        BIDPETE: Yes you have to be focused, committed and work hard every day towards your goals in life. What ever those goals are.

No. 4: Surround yourself with multimillionaires
 You can’t learn how to make money from someone who doesn’t have much. Who says, “Money won’t make you happy”? People without money. Who says, “All rich people are greedy”? People who aren’t rich. Wealthy people don’t talk like that. You need to know what people are doing to create wealth and follow their example: What do they read? How do they invest? What drives them? How do they stay motivated and excited?                                                                                                                                                                                                              BIDPETE: A big yes. I believe that you have to move out side of your circle of influence to grow. If your circle involves chaos and confusion, or abuse or negativity, poverty, criminality. You can not learn how to move on from this circle. That is why they are still in this circle, they don’t know how to get out of it. You have to look outside of this circle one circle at a time untill you acquire the skill set to move on. I could go on for days on this one. If you don’t make a change today than tomorrow will be just more of the same and so on for years maybe even a life time.

No. 5: Work like a millionaire                                                                                                                                              Financially successful people are consumed by their hunt for success and work to the point that they feel they are winning and not just working.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    BIDPETE: Hell yea! Just don’t forget to smell the roses. Enjoy your life. Be there for your FAMILY!

No. 6: Shift focus from spending to investing
The rich don’t spend money; they invest. They know the U.S. tax laws favor investing over spending. You buy a house and can’t write it off. The rich, in contrast, buy an apartment building that produces cash flow, appreciates and offers write-offs year after year. You buy cars for comfort and style. The rich buy cars for their company that are deductible because they are used to produce revenue.  BIDPETE: Hello! Checkmate! Read this section a hundred time please!

No. 7: Create multiple flows of income
The really rich never depend on one flow of income but instead create a number of revenue streams.           BIDPETE: CHA-CHING!

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Sex Position Names, Link


How
Lie on your back with your legs raised and folded over so that your ankles are on either side of your head, while he squats and dips his penis in and out of your vagina.
Benefit
Aside from getting that eye contact, the extra rush of blood into your head will increase the ecstasy.
Bonus
Have him dribble chocolate syrup or honey into your mouth. It gets more of your senses involved and amps up the whole experience.

BUTTER CHURNER: You should go to prison for doing this to your partner.

How
He enters you from the missionary position, then slides his chest and legs off your body so his pelvis is in the same location but his limbs form an “X” with yours.
Benefit
You feel more of his body in motion.
Bonus
Use this unique angle to massage his back, butt, or legs as he thrusts.

X-FACTOR: This ain’t no singing competition

How
He sits, legs bent, leaning back on his hands and forearms. You do the same and then inch toward him until you connect.
Benefit
You’ll both feel really connected looking at each other. Increase your stimulation by grinding your clitoris against his pelvis.
Bonus
Slide ice cubes down his chest and let the cold water collect at the base of his pelvis.

MAGIC MOUNTAIN: Now you see it now you don’t

How
With both of you standing, you bend over at the waist; he enters you from behind.
Benefit
Bending over helps make the vaginal walls tighter and increases the intensity of the friction.
Bonus
Have him tickle your clitoris with his free hand, or loosely tie your hands together with a silky scarf.

STAND AND DELIVER: I got your package right here, same day delivery

How
While he sits on the bed or a chair, back yourself into his lap and spoon each other while seated.
Benefit
Because you can’t see your partner, fantasizing is easier, which can ad too the excitement.
Bonus
Tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor so you can grip him and keep him erect.

THE CABOOSE: All Aboard, this train is going home

How
From missionary position, you raise your legs and extend them straight out (forming a “V”).
Benefit
This allows for good body contact with the vulva.
Bonus
Try grabbing your ankles. It can give you stability and an added stretch.

VALEDICTORIAN: Here’s your Mic! I got your 4.o right here

How
Near the edge of a bed or bench, rest on the hip and forearm of one side and press your thighs together. Your man stands and straddles you, entering from behind.
Benefit
Keeping your legs pressed together allows for a tighter hold on him as he thrusts.
Bonus
Instead of letting him do all the work, try thrusting you hips slightly to match his tempo.

CORKSCREW:

How
Get on your hands and feet and have him pick you up by the pelvis. Then grip his waist with your thighs.
Benefit
Aside from being a fabulous arm workout for you, this male-dominant move allows him deeper penetration and an amazing view of your assets.
Bonus
Try resting on a table or the side of the bed and give your arms a break.

WHEELBARROW: I said give me ten push ups

How
Similar to the popular Cowgirl position, you kneel on top of him, pushing off his chest and sliding up and down his thighs. But he helps by supporting some of your weight and grabbing your hips or thighs while he rises to meet each thrust.
Benefit
Less stress on your legs, making climaxing easier. Plus, female-dominant positions delay his climax, so everyone wins.
Bonus
Alternate between shallow and deep thrusting to stimulate different parts of the vagina.

COWGIRL’S HELPER: Wake me up when your done.

How
Standing on one foot, face your guy and wrap your other leg around his waist while he helps support you.
Benefit
Allows for quality face time and connecting.
Bonus
If you’re a Flexi Lexie, try putting the raised leg on his shoulder for even deeper penetration.

BALLET DANCER: So you think you can dance

Here are the pictures and link I promised. Now stop calling me for them! You perv’s! Actually your comments were great on the original post so you earned this, but your still perv’s.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-positions?pos=11

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