Movie Reviews

OMG! OMG! OMG! Is it a dream? Did my eyes just gaze upon the most kick ass, hot ass woman in a body suit EVERRRRRRRR!  No it is not a dream, it is the fourth installment of the UNDERWORLD franchise and by far the best of the sequels. Kate Beckinsale is back in all of her hotness. And she is pissed off and f**kn people UP!  She lives up to her Death Dealer title. The world has discovered that there are werewolf and lycans among them and has started the war to eradicate them. While trying to escape Selene is captured and becomes cryogenically frozen for 12 years. **SPOILER ALERT** I don’t want to give away story line surprises so I will just say this – The movie is easily the most brutal, gory, and bloody of them all. Fast – Paced with edge of your seat special effects. I saw it in I-MAX 3D and it was amazing!  The sound track is also great. I know I am biased because I am such a big fan of the underworld franchise and a fan of Kate Beckinsale. But the movie delivers everything you expect from an action filled si-fi fantasy. Yes I know its violent and the critics will probably destroy it and if you stretch your imagination you could get all serious about how it has some cleansing over tones and all kinds of crazy shit like that. But just remember – It’s a MOVIE! you know NOT REAL!  its entertainment!! If you also are a fan of underworld then this is a must see and do yourself a favor and see it in I-MAX 3D.

Horrible Bosses on blue ray is a must own DVD! This is one funny ass movie, great cast and fast paced. 3 best buds Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day work for absolute nightmare bosses. one is an overbearing pretentious scumbag played by Kevin Spacey. One is a total douche bag played by colin farrell and the 3rd. played by Jennifer Aniston is a super hot man-eater, dear lord why can’t she be my boss? I’ve been a good boy. The fellas all have a horrible existence at their jobs and during a night out drinking get the bright idea that killing their bosses is their only option. But because they are whiter than a klu Klux klan sheet they decide that they will need a murder consultant, enter Mother fucker (aka) Jamie Fox who quickly takes advantage of their dumb asses, takes their money and inspires the brilliant plan where each guy kills each others boss. What ensues is a lot of funny moments. If you enjoyed The Hangover or Bridesmaids you will love this movie. If you are a dude. Get ready for some serious eye candy. Jennifer Aniston is drop dead gorgeous and a dirty, sexy as hell woman. One of her funniest lines is when she is in her office (she is a dentist) almost naked, her doctors jacket is fully un-buttoned and she has nothing on underneath and you will find yourself begging for the double-sided tape that you know is holding that jacket from opening up and making your dreams come true, to fail! She sits down behind her desk and says “did you see my pussy” I swear I felt 2 drops of pee come out while I was laughing out loud. Holy mother of every thing that is right in the world, this is one fine ass woman. What she does to a banana should be against the law! I turned to my wife and said BABY if Jennifer knocks on our door, you gotta go! you gotta get out! don’t pack anything, just get out! i will buy you all new shit! She turned and said WHY I GOTTA GET OUT, WE WILL BOTH DO HER!  I said MY MAN! gave her a fist bump, put my arm around her and continued to watch the movie. And this ladies and gentlemen is why i love my wife and why we have been together for almost 40 years. Fun and fast movie!

Holly shit Batman, This is a good movie. It’s not so much a boxing movie as it is a movie about family, A movie about perseverance, A movie about love, A movie about drugs and the devastation they cause and the toll they take on life. Christian Bale has never been better as the self-destructive, drug addicted brother (Dicky Eklund) of the main character (Micky Ward) who is very well-played by Mark Wahlberg. Yes the movie is predictable and the fight scenes are ok but the strength of the movie are the characters. You will be hard pressed to find a more dysfunctional family anywhere. No sugar-coating here as to how destructive and abusive they are. And how powerful the family bond is regardless. I love this movie because we all have that one black sheep in our family( hell it might even be me in my family?) and Micky won’t give  up on him or the women he loves and figures out a way to succeed and fight for himself and his family. Very inspirational and a movie you should see.

I loved every second of this movie. I go to these types of movies to be entertained not to be educated or to find the meaning of life. Go to www.thehatchettimes.wordpress.com for a full blown review when available. That details plots, characters, directors, story lines, you know shit like that. The hatchet times is brilliant. All the main stream reviewers are killing this movie over its violence and treatment of the women characters plus unbelievable story line… UH DUH… IT’S A FREAKING MOVIE, you know NOT REAL. And we all know that you have to say what you say because you have to please your stuffy, overly sensitive, politically correct networks, bosses, advertisers and viewers. I saw the trailer, i know the director is from the WATCHMEN and 300. So i went to see it hoping and expecting to see extreme violence (check) hot women in tight outfits (check) amazing stunning special effects – CGI (double-check) poor acting (check) and for all you pimple faced gamers who are whining that it’s a poor version of a video game. You should have stayed home. Cleaned your pacifier, changed your pamper and continued to play your RPG’S in your dark lonely rooms. If you enjoy movies like INCEPTION, KICK ASS, KILL BILL, NINJA ASSASSINS, SIN CITY, you know movies that are different and creative that are just plain fun and entertaining. Then SUCKER PUNCH is a movie you should see just because it is fun. If you want to see a GREAT movie that is thought provoking, emotionally moving and possibly life changing that every body in the world should see but won’t because the main stream media and reviewers type cast it as just another BLACK MOVIE. Is the incredible movie FOR COLORED GIRLS. It should have been named FOR ALL GIRLS. Rent this movie – see this movie and use it as a teaching moment!

Mix equal parts of the Matrix with equal parts of Star wars and the sound track from Terminator salvation and you get TRON. If you enjoyed any of those movies then you will love this movie. 3D was invented for TRON. Break open your spare change jar and spring for an IMAX experience. No there are no academy awards that are going to be handed out here, but this movie delivers in the special effect and entertainment arena. Fast paced and visually stunning.

It took two days for my brain to recover from the coma this movie put me into. Now in the interest of full disclosure, i am not a Sci-fi fan and maybe some die-hard Sci-fi fans may enjoy this movie but i doubt it. I accompanied my wife to see this movie because she is a big Sci-fi fan and I’m a great husband. And even my wife was disappointed in this movie. The actors in this movie did not need stunt doubles, what they needed was stunt actors. This could be the worst acting performance by an entire movie cast in the history of movies. Lack of story line, lack of character development, an ending that will piss you off are just a few of the things that make this movie un watchable. 20 minutes into this movie i wanted to drive down south to purchase a gun so i could shoot myself, but i realised that i could not drive there and back before the movie ended so in stead I just stayed in my seat and died a slow death. The octopus like robot aliens just all of a sudden show up by the hundreds. they fly around sucking up people after they put them in a trance. You don’t know who they are or why they are here and just like the aliens the military shows up all of a sudden for a dog fight over the sky’s of Los Angeles. These powerful aliens can fight off the military stealth bombers, but our hero actors fend them off with a hand gun and a wooden handled axe. In one scene one of the actors beats the alien to death with his fists and in another a car moving at about 30 miles an hour hits and kills another alien. Almost the entire movie is shot at one location, the building where one of the actors lives. The ending is so stupid and rediculus that the audience at the show i attended cursed and shouted WTF? BOTTOM LINE  THIS MOVIE SUCKS AND THEN SUCKS SOME MORE….

Advertisements

One response to “Movie Reviews

  1. Poor us Europeans. None of these movies made it to the Old Continent.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s