Category Archives: Sexy

Let’s smile 4 a minute


I have seen some very interesting quotes while on the web and thought to myself that I should share some of the ones that have made me smile even if just for a quick minute. Some of them are touching some are funny and some just make you search your soul. ENJOY! or don’t. But if you don’t. Work on yourself and try to find some inner peace.

Fellas this is man 101. I have said some of these in earlier post. This is what a woman wants, true love not games.

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I hope and pray that this is my wifey and I. We are almost 40 and counting. And yes it is so true, you can not give up on love and marriage. It’s hard work and when some times it seems like it is broken, that’s when you have to work extra hard to fix it and not throw it away.

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LADIES HOLLA. This is what I am talking about. Get in there and handle your business. Get yours!

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Enough said…

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Oh shit Fellas you better understand this! Women are looking for real men to act like real men. Hard working, strong, proud, responsible men. Good boy friends, good husbands, good fathers. Not wannabes, abusers, cheats, lazy ass players.

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Next is just a collection of silly pic’s

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Parenting, Sexy

Appropriate yet inappropriate photos 2.0


Back by popular demand! Requested by the masses! The incredible block busting post “Appropriate yet inappropriate photos” is back! new and improved and better then ever! Ha, Ha I’m just stupid and childish and now and then I like to escape the serious world and just have a laugh. Version 2.0 has the same ground rules, read on and give us the FUNNY….. Go see the original post here for some inspiration https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/appropriate-yet-inappropriate-photos/

Appropriate for my site yes! For my usual readership, hell Yes! For other stick up the ass, bouche, condescending sites whose readers have the attention span of a gerbil, the sense of humor of a comma patient – Maybe not so much! I have decided that this week I am going to just let my hair down and have some fun with some sexy photo campaigns from ad agencies from around the world. Like they say Sex sells. These are ads that push the inappropriate line of sex innuendos to sell a product or idea. I am going to give you some of my own twisted, seriously inappropriate captions and you see if you can add an even better caption then mine in your comments! Come on now, my usual suspects. Dont let me down I know how funny and dirty you guys can get! come get some! Dont make me call you out by name! Stoopidhousewifes, Lafemmeroar, Lizziecracked, Lorna, J.a.m, Guapo, Ohmar, Cayman, Linda, Lorrelee…………..I will copy some of your captions into my post next to my captions so they show up on the post and we can compare, funny for funny and dirty for dirty.

BIDPETE: Not tonight honey I have a headache (this is an ad for a jeans company)

EL Guapo: Honey,does all the heroin I shot make my ass look fat?

BIDPETE: This is why women don’t like to walk their dogs (like you ladies say all men are dogs)

EL Guapo: Not all undergarments can hide unsightly growths.

BIDPETE: Girl friend I wish I could find a good man like you have? Hold on I will shit you another one!

The original caption is a great one (becoming a donor is probably your only chance to get inside her)

EL Guapo: I always dress like this when I know BIDPete is watching!

BIDPETE: Dental work will be required.

EL Guapo: WOW! I never get anything this meaty at home!

BIDPETE: Viagra’s version of dick in a box. (this is an ad for Viagra)

BIDPETE: New and improved suck popsicles from pfizer pharmaceuticals

BIDPETE: Damn! now you tell me how easy it was not to get busted. (this is an ad for post it notes)

EL Guapo: Bill finally found a way to save himeslf from the “morning-after-embarassment” of one night stands.

 

BIDPETE: I got one word for you honey WAX. (this is an ad for a female tightening cream)

EL Guapo: (No. No way in hell I’m writing what I just thought of.)

BIDPETE: O.M.G. I’m scared of this woman! (look close there should be 5 pillars) Damn!! she will need a 5 gallon pail of the tightening cream from the above photo…(this is an ad for a female lubricant) I can’t help it this is some seriously funny shit.

EL Guapo: We warm our seats the old fashioned way.

BIDPETE: Dude how was your date last night? It was great! You wanna smell my pillar!

BIDPETE:  Is it time to play hide and seek again

Please, Please, Please no hate emails! If you are new to my site, read https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2011/06/04/because-you-are-a-bitch/ https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2010/12/05/what-you-think-your-a-man/ https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/i-dont-love-my-wife-2/ https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/father-is-what-i-am-2/ ABOUT ME and MY GOAL before you tell me about how this is degrading to women. And you will see that I am PRO WOMEN. I know all of these show women in not the best light. I did not take the pictures I am just having some fun and a few laughs with them. So here is one about men.

This is an ad for a gay bar.

EL Guapo: The Catholic Seminary Soccer Team wants YOU!

Cayman: If not for the uni’s in that team photo, I’d have sworn it was the Red Sox.

BIDPETE: Penn state alumni meeting
BIDPETE: Pennsylvania Breaking news! Six men shot in the face.

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Sexy, Uncategorized

COUSIN SEX CREEPY!


Give me a minute. I think I just threw up in my mouth! I will definitely need therapy after this video. Like a jury trial only needs a small seed of doubt to be implanted so they can come back with a not guilty verdict. Case in point O.J. SIMPSON. This video has irrevocably harmed my life. Believe it or don’t believe it if you see it you also will throw up in your mouth! Ok a bit dramatic I know, I know. So let me pull up my cartoon inspired huggies and get to the point. Some dope ass scientist has figured out that we are all at least a 50th cousin! So that sweet ass you been tappin – yea you got it, it’s your COUSIN!!! Holy shit batman. No wonder everybody keeps telling my wife and I that we look soooo much alike. Some think we are related before they find out we are married. No wonder we finish each others sentences. Were COUSINS!!! We will never have sex again! Wait I must have fallen and hit my head. I meant we will never have sex with the lights on again!! Ok I’m back, I hade to go and change my huggies again from laughing till I pead myself. I’m just being silly having some fun. But this video is Creepy. So check it out and tell me what you think. Disclaimer: It will mess with your head. So think about it before clicking play!

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Parenting, Sexy

Sex Position Names, Link


How
Lie on your back with your legs raised and folded over so that your ankles are on either side of your head, while he squats and dips his penis in and out of your vagina.
Benefit
Aside from getting that eye contact, the extra rush of blood into your head will increase the ecstasy.
Bonus
Have him dribble chocolate syrup or honey into your mouth. It gets more of your senses involved and amps up the whole experience.

BUTTER CHURNER: You should go to prison for doing this to your partner.

How
He enters you from the missionary position, then slides his chest and legs off your body so his pelvis is in the same location but his limbs form an “X” with yours.
Benefit
You feel more of his body in motion.
Bonus
Use this unique angle to massage his back, butt, or legs as he thrusts.

X-FACTOR: This ain’t no singing competition

How
He sits, legs bent, leaning back on his hands and forearms. You do the same and then inch toward him until you connect.
Benefit
You’ll both feel really connected looking at each other. Increase your stimulation by grinding your clitoris against his pelvis.
Bonus
Slide ice cubes down his chest and let the cold water collect at the base of his pelvis.

MAGIC MOUNTAIN: Now you see it now you don’t

How
With both of you standing, you bend over at the waist; he enters you from behind.
Benefit
Bending over helps make the vaginal walls tighter and increases the intensity of the friction.
Bonus
Have him tickle your clitoris with his free hand, or loosely tie your hands together with a silky scarf.

STAND AND DELIVER: I got your package right here, same day delivery

How
While he sits on the bed or a chair, back yourself into his lap and spoon each other while seated.
Benefit
Because you can’t see your partner, fantasizing is easier, which can ad too the excitement.
Bonus
Tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor so you can grip him and keep him erect.

THE CABOOSE: All Aboard, this train is going home

How
From missionary position, you raise your legs and extend them straight out (forming a “V”).
Benefit
This allows for good body contact with the vulva.
Bonus
Try grabbing your ankles. It can give you stability and an added stretch.

VALEDICTORIAN: Here’s your Mic! I got your 4.o right here

How
Near the edge of a bed or bench, rest on the hip and forearm of one side and press your thighs together. Your man stands and straddles you, entering from behind.
Benefit
Keeping your legs pressed together allows for a tighter hold on him as he thrusts.
Bonus
Instead of letting him do all the work, try thrusting you hips slightly to match his tempo.

CORKSCREW:

How
Get on your hands and feet and have him pick you up by the pelvis. Then grip his waist with your thighs.
Benefit
Aside from being a fabulous arm workout for you, this male-dominant move allows him deeper penetration and an amazing view of your assets.
Bonus
Try resting on a table or the side of the bed and give your arms a break.

WHEELBARROW: I said give me ten push ups

How
Similar to the popular Cowgirl position, you kneel on top of him, pushing off his chest and sliding up and down his thighs. But he helps by supporting some of your weight and grabbing your hips or thighs while he rises to meet each thrust.
Benefit
Less stress on your legs, making climaxing easier. Plus, female-dominant positions delay his climax, so everyone wins.
Bonus
Alternate between shallow and deep thrusting to stimulate different parts of the vagina.

COWGIRL’S HELPER: Wake me up when your done.

How
Standing on one foot, face your guy and wrap your other leg around his waist while he helps support you.
Benefit
Allows for quality face time and connecting.
Bonus
If you’re a Flexi Lexie, try putting the raised leg on his shoulder for even deeper penetration.

BALLET DANCER: So you think you can dance

Here are the pictures and link I promised. Now stop calling me for them! You perv’s! Actually your comments were great on the original post so you earned this, but your still perv’s.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-positions?pos=11

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Sexy

Sex Position Names


https://breakitdownpete.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/sex-position-names-link/ Click this link for the answers with pictures!

Ahhhhhhhh Shit, finally! My Man! you are going to break down the sex thingggggggggggg! First things first, you can get all kinds of wound up just from the names of some of the positions! Now I have been around for a long time and this is not my first rodeo. But WTF out of about 35 sex position names I could only identify about 3. SON OF A BITCH I’m pissed, but on the floor in tears with laughter over visualizing theses names. Give it your best shot and see if you know what some of these positions are. Spell some of them out for me if you think you can. In a few days I will share the link to the pictures and descriptions to the names of the positions. If you are nice to me of course? 1. The pretzel dip 2. Flatiron 3. G-wiz 4. Face off 5. Cowgirls helper 6. Leap frog 7. Ballet dancer 8. Cork screw 9. Wheel barrow 10. X-factor 11. The caboose 12. Stand and deliver 13. Butter churner 14. The seashell 15. Magic mountain 16. The pinball wizard 17. Valedictorian.    SERIOUSLY? THE PRETZEL DIP!
Disclaimer: Warning: Unless you work for cirque du soleil some of these positions can kill you! or at least dislocate something. Holy flying salami I think I need a cigaret and a nap after reading this list. Or at the very least a shower!

UPDATE!   So Mr. Guapo-lisious has thrown down the gauntlet. Him and his young self, hanging from ceiling fans and shit! Now I ain’t no spring chicken but we have some moves of our own cause my woman is all acrobatic and shit, don’t let the grey hairs fool you. We got moves like  1. The wheel chair  2. The sit down and don’t move  3. The Advil  4. The oops my bad  5. The resuscitation.  6. The don’t you wish.  These are just a few because I can’t give you all my moves in one post. You young kids ain’t ready for all that freakness!

My Grown Folk back me up on this one (Ha,Ha I said back me up. Thats my secret move.) Let these young kids know how we roll!

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Sexy

Appropriate yet inappropriate photos


I told you not to make the HULK ANGRY!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  St. Patrick’s Day Hangover

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “And you thought blueballs were bad?”

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  Here’s to GOING GREEN

Appropriate for my site yes! For my usual readership, hell Yes! For other stick up the ass, bouche, condescending sites whose readers have the attention span of a gerbil, the sense of humor of a comma patient – Maybe not so much! I have decided that this week I am going to just let my hair down and have some  fun with some sexy photo campaigns from ad agencies from around the world. Like they say Sex sells. These are ads that push the inappropriate line of sex innuendos to sell a product or idea. I am going to give you some of my own twisted, seriously inappropriate captions and you see if you can add an even better caption then mine in your comments! Come on now, my usual suspects. Dont let me down I know how funny and dirty you guys can get! come get some! Dont make me call you out by name! Stoopidhousewifes, Lafemmeroar, Lizziecracked, Lorna, J.a.m, Guapo, Ohmar, Cayman, Linda, Lorrelee…………..I will copy some of your captions into my post next to my captions so they show up on the post and we can compare, funny for funny and dirty for dirty.

Make my Martini JERCKED NO STIRRED!           Enjoy your COCKtail!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  Deep throating can get your drunk

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  THIS will make you speak German … TULOSBA!!

 http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  Kill 2 birds with one stone. Put it in and drink it up, but not necessarily in that order

Practice safe food, always wear a hair net when EATING TACO!      To save a life remember; 3 short breaths followed by chest compressions.

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  Bushtache

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “I wanted a chainsaw like in Army of Darkness, but they said this would be safer”  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY WIFE, CLOUSEAU??!?”

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  I hate parsley on my food, but this is fine!

http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  Discount if you cum together.

To kneel or not to kneel that was the question? I like your answer!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  I worship the Schlong

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Flirt Vodka – for disinfecting the worst cuts and scratches”

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  Flirt Vodka will make you happy … real happy

http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  So good, you’ll drop to your knees. **Apply liberally to wombs post-event.

Sure i got an extra cigarette right here for you!    Yes of course it’s a lite cigarette!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  Don’t blow smoke in my mouth

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “No no no, blow and suck mean the same thing here”

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Smoking Kills” … that’s just a myth!

http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Before I go down, you are going to have to filter that.”

Before Proactive!       I’ll take Nipple for 200 Alex!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  I’ve got milk in my zit!

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Do you think I should pop it?”

 http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  Squeeze here and you might get a surprise

 http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  Can I touch you zit?

Its magic baby!     I’m just a love machine!    Armed and Dangerous!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  One of your hands keeps giving me “the birdie”

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Shiva is also the god of love.”

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/Said:  This way I’ll reach every hole

http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Would you tell Susan I like it rough and are those Peter’s hands? If this wasn’t so hot, I’d be really grossed out right now.”

This could be worse, these stitches could be in your ASS!     What part of XXL did you not believe!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  Aftermath of a blow job marathon

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Wear protection – you do not want a cold sore down there!”

 http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  I take deep throat VERY seriously

http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  That was really a mouthful.

Takes an asshole to know an asshole!          Looks like a preparation H. day!

http://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/ Said:  De-constipating the job market

http://amorsthoughts.wordpress.com/ Said:  This is how many asses it takes to run an office

http://guapola.wordpress.com/ Said:  “Back! Back from whence you came, Yuppies!”

 http://articlesofabsurdity.wordpress.com/ Said:  “All aboard the StinkHole!”

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Filed under Current events, Life, Marriage, Sexy